Who Is To Blame For Sex In Schools?
Comments
By Anonymous
Tue 4 Jan, 2011 - 11:53
A white female friend of mine now age 70 (those details are relevant to what I want to say) took under her wing a 6 yr old Zulu boy. He is still with her at nearly 18 yrs of age. He calls her "Mom" and me "Aunty". We have endeavoured to include male role models in his life, and access to his Zulu heritage. But our age, gender, race mitigate against fully understanding the issues you raise, never mind how to prepare him in the midst of them. We are involved Christians, but often church has its head in the clouds when it comes to practical action here. You have already confirmed that schools are often not much help either. Certainly not a clear-cut issue. We thank you for widening our understanding through your article and through the responses you have received. We are both volunteers with Project Gateway in Pietermaritzburg, an NGO hence glad receipt of your Newsletter. However, for us to think globally in our work must run alongside what we personally should do to do what is right and needful for "our kid".
Lorne Wray, Pietermaritzburg
By Anonymous
Fri 17 Dec, 2010 - 09:29
Thank you for this article. At the Parent Centre, where I work, we appreciate such input, and yes, parents have the most important role to play, but also has the toughest job, i.e. Parenting in a technologically chanaging and stressful society for which there is often no preparation and very little support. Furthermore, most of the parents in our country live under very difficult circumstances and many families share very cramped accommodation. So beside children's easy access to technology, there is also the lack of privacy at home, where children are witness to sexual behaviour between adults as well as victims of sexual abuse. So the situation is very complex.
from Fouzia Ryklief, Teh Parent Centre, Cape Town.
By Anonymous
Fri 17 Dec, 2010 - 09:15
Its alaways amazing why we as parents are always finding someone to blame for our childrens poor behaviour but we always take the praise even when it not due to us. You must know that having thrown your schools open to all religions and barned Christianity from your schools for the purposes of accomodating the other religions, you opened room for Satanism to come also.Study the religions that you claim to accomodate, their children rarely do what our children do, they rarely smoke, they dont do sex, dont carry expensive phone to school, their parents piuck them up everyday from the school gate, they are deeply religious. Ours dont even go to church on weekends, they dont even study because we ourselves are not disciplined.Technology and parties will groom them. To me this is just a minor incident, more are coming if we dont teach our children to fear God. They dont respect the police, neither do they respect parents then you expect then to respect a poor, overworked, underpaid ,frustrated teacher who may not be carrying the same cellphone they carry. Work up and smell the coffee you have sold the kids to the devil and his demons, they who deal with the deal earn live coals, even here on earth, and this is the reward we gewt for breaking the hedge, the snake will bite
By Anonymous
Sun 28 Nov, 2010 - 21:07
I am conviced that it is the lack of social support in the school environment that leads to all sorts of social problems. children spend better part of the day in school, even if they are in trouble they might not know who to talk to or what to do. social support can be formal and informal and can serve as a preventative and supportive tool to learnerns because for the reasons mentioned above parents are not going to change their lifestyles soon but can be engaged at an individual level. Conny Ramathibela Kwa- Thema
By Anonymous
Sat 27 Nov, 2010 - 16:59
When such issues are raised, I'm always concerned about certain things that can be beyond the means of the parents. Hence this reminds me of one time when I had a presentation/discussion on HIV/AIDS and Gender Based Violence in a particular commuunity in Johanesburg. After the presentation one old man rasied a concern on the sleep pattern and the space i.e one room for the entire family, parents on the bed and children on the floor. He strongly questioned how possible the measures like the use of condoms are applicable in such contexts. He indicated that the process of dressing in a condom alone, has high chances of waking up the children, up and practically watching and listening to the entire exercise. The consequesnces of such circumstances might not be different from a child watching ponogrpahic videos and practising the same the following day. I would think there is alot to conisder in trying to protcet our children from behaviours that can easily make them vulnerable in future.
By Anonymous
Fri 26 Nov, 2010 - 10:23
As a 22 year old, i have to admit that although TV and music are highly influential parents still have a pivotal role to play. If your child is raised well then no matter what comes along the way we weigh every decision with our principles. It is important to have an open relationship with your parent/s with whom you can discuss EVERYTHING!
I truly feel my generation is lost we have become so obsessed with western beliefs that we forget our own, we have become a 'me' generation the fact that the classmates recorded the incident instead of assisting the victim or calling a teacher is testament of that. All we can do is hope that sooner or later we will realize that the American/Western dream is just a dream.
By Anonymous
Thu 25 Nov, 2010 - 16:12
I think that you have touched on something very important in your article - The role parents play in their child's life. We may not always be able to control our surroundings, or the programmes that are aired in various media, but as parents, it is our responsibility to instill values and morals in our children. As a parent, one's priority should be to raise children in a manner that allows them to grow into responsible citizens that are an asset to society, and can contribute positively in their surroundings. It also seems like having kids has become a fashion statement these days. Young and older people alike, enter into parenthood without seeking a life partner, or even thinking about what being a good parent involves; and this is why we see these horrendous things happening around us. People are not cognizant to the importance of parenting anymore; they just have kids because it might suit them at that time. This is the cold fact: If you have children that misbehave in their conduct or cannot function as a "normal" person in society, you,as the parent are to blame - not any other institution, or person, but you. Anonymous
By Anonymous
Thu 25 Nov, 2010 - 02:36
What a brilliant article. This generation needs Jesus Christ!
By Anonymous
Wed 24 Nov, 2010 - 13:09
The biggest issue here is that parents assume the responsibility of teaching to only teachers, because all they think of really is that "What are teachers meant for? Seldom do we parents take the responsibility and only react when such cases as the Jules High case occur. Technological advancement needs to have an age limit and parents need to instill in their kids good values and ethics so they are not easily taken by what they see. When I was growing up we were sent to our rooms if a programme was not within our age limit, and when I turned sixteen I rejoiced that I could watch TV without parental supervision. However we are too busy chasing material wealth and forgetting about the basic essential teachings that we are meant to teach our kids. I for one have banned the use of technology (To a certain extent if need be with supervision), such privileges are earned with the coming of age. That is the least bit that I can do for society.
Casual sex among youths is a sad reality in South Africa.
The Jules High School saga in Johannesburg -- in which a female student was allegedly gang-raped while her classmates watched and videotaped -- is one of many recent horrible and all-too-real scenarios from our schools. Whatever the outcome of this story, it is reason enough to take a closer look at how schools seem to have become dangerous breeding grounds for sexual promiscuity.
What's worse, this sexual incident which happened on school grounds, during school hours, at a school with teachers and prefects to supervise, says to me as a parent that I can never afford to be in the ‘my kid is safe at school’ mode.
Of course the education system is surely failing us if this is allowed to occur while paid staff is meant to be supervising, isn't it?
But is it really the sole responsibility of the headmaster to ensure that your child becomes a morally upright citizen?
As 21st century parents we are caught up in the rat race of trying to earn a living which often means we spend less time at home with our children and more at work chasing deadlines, commissions, promotions, etc.
Even when we are at home with them we are ‘strategising’ for work or cuddling our laptops while the children play in their bedrooms or in the garden or wherever suits them. More upsetting, their eyes are usually just in one room, glued to trash coming through what we call ‘technological advancement’.
Television and Internet provide a wide range of corruptive filth that is available to the rich and poor alike. A friend of mine recently told me she'd had a visitor in her home that had made fun of her for not having DSTV.
Great as this resource is to mature adults; its usefulness to a 10-year-old is questionable. Packaged deals are purchased according to adult choice but discretion is often unexercised when considering who the other viewers are likely to be. And what messages are our children getting from the broadcasts? They are being brainwashed into thinking the world of celebrity, sex and American consumerism is a reality they want to emulate.
So blame the broadcaster for the messaging and the type of uncensored stuff they are putting on air? The question really is what we parents have done to go the extra mile in censoring what those little eyes see.
Ok, so we have to buy hi-tech so our kids keep up with the other kids and so we compensate for the times we spend away at work when we should have been parenting. Our children now have their own laptops with Internet access. They browse and download 24/7 and we parents pay the bills but never monitor what's coming through.
Then there is the music they listen to and easy, endlessly available pornography downloads. The list goes on, potential loss of innocence and corruption of virtue around every corner, on every screen.
So am I saying that technology is to blame? "Technology has tainted our kids," we cry. But the question seems to be: Where were you when it was happening?
For the sake of the children and for the sake of a morally sound future generation the answer is for parents to get out of the stupor and fight precepts that condone and perpetuate violence and sexism, invading through the technology that we also benefit from.
Whatever happened to the teachings we received from our grandmothers as we were growing up. The lessons of ‘you have to keep yourself for the right one’ and ‘keep your legs crossed until you first finish school?’
Even the words abstinence and virginity have fast become taboo in this era where sex has become a commercialised commodity and in the place of these ancient words we find the ‘condomise’ doctrine.
Can we not pause and pass down the principles which have preserved us and generations before us? This laissez faire approach to parenting is costly and we are losing many lives to the HIV and AIDS pandemic.
As the age of first sexual encounter continues to decrease, our children are placed at increased risk from an earlier age to the dreadful virus. And this situation is not restricted to schools.
As a parent I can put in the effort to censor what my kids see on TV and to lay down principles. We all need to spend more time helping our children find their moral compass.
Indeed, when it comes to the Jules High School case, the justice system so often blamed has in this instance to be hailed for addressing a truth we are rarely willing to admit: our children have been brainwashed by the so called pop culture they ascribe to.
Parents, if we are going to bring up a morally acceptable future generation, it's our job to get out there and provide some "rehabilitation" for our sexually curious (and increasingly active) children. No one is going to do it for us.
- Mercilene Machisa is the Gender Links Justice Programme Officer. This article is part of the GL series for the 16 Days of Activism (link to: http://www.genderlinks.org.za/page/16-days-of-activism-2010). It is republished here with the permission of Gender Links (link to: www.genderlinks.org.za), a Southern African NGO founded in 2001 that is committed to a region in which women and men are able to participate equally in all aspects of public and private life in accordance with the provisions of the Southern African Development Community Protocol on Gender and Development.
The Jules High School saga in Johannesburg -- in which a female student was allegedly gang-raped while her classmates watched and videotaped -- is one of many recent horrible and all-too-real scenarios from our schools. Whatever the outcome of this story, it is reason enough to take a closer look at how schools seem to have become dangerous breeding grounds for sexual promiscuity.
What's worse, this sexual incident which happened on school grounds, during school hours, at a school with teachers and prefects to supervise, says to me as a parent that I can never afford to be in the ‘my kid is safe at school’ mode.
Of course the education system is surely failing us if this is allowed to occur while paid staff is meant to be supervising, isn't it?
But is it really the sole responsibility of the headmaster to ensure that your child becomes a morally upright citizen?
As 21st century parents we are caught up in the rat race of trying to earn a living which often means we spend less time at home with our children and more at work chasing deadlines, commissions, promotions, etc.
Even when we are at home with them we are ‘strategising’ for work or cuddling our laptops while the children play in their bedrooms or in the garden or wherever suits them. More upsetting, their eyes are usually just in one room, glued to trash coming through what we call ‘technological advancement’.
Television and Internet provide a wide range of corruptive filth that is available to the rich and poor alike. A friend of mine recently told me she'd had a visitor in her home that had made fun of her for not having DSTV.
Great as this resource is to mature adults; its usefulness to a 10-year-old is questionable. Packaged deals are purchased according to adult choice but discretion is often unexercised when considering who the other viewers are likely to be. And what messages are our children getting from the broadcasts? They are being brainwashed into thinking the world of celebrity, sex and American consumerism is a reality they want to emulate.
So blame the broadcaster for the messaging and the type of uncensored stuff they are putting on air? The question really is what we parents have done to go the extra mile in censoring what those little eyes see.
Ok, so we have to buy hi-tech so our kids keep up with the other kids and so we compensate for the times we spend away at work when we should have been parenting. Our children now have their own laptops with Internet access. They browse and download 24/7 and we parents pay the bills but never monitor what's coming through.
Then there is the music they listen to and easy, endlessly available pornography downloads. The list goes on, potential loss of innocence and corruption of virtue around every corner, on every screen.
So am I saying that technology is to blame? "Technology has tainted our kids," we cry. But the question seems to be: Where were you when it was happening?
For the sake of the children and for the sake of a morally sound future generation the answer is for parents to get out of the stupor and fight precepts that condone and perpetuate violence and sexism, invading through the technology that we also benefit from.
Whatever happened to the teachings we received from our grandmothers as we were growing up. The lessons of ‘you have to keep yourself for the right one’ and ‘keep your legs crossed until you first finish school?’
Even the words abstinence and virginity have fast become taboo in this era where sex has become a commercialised commodity and in the place of these ancient words we find the ‘condomise’ doctrine.
Can we not pause and pass down the principles which have preserved us and generations before us? This laissez faire approach to parenting is costly and we are losing many lives to the HIV and AIDS pandemic.
As the age of first sexual encounter continues to decrease, our children are placed at increased risk from an earlier age to the dreadful virus. And this situation is not restricted to schools.
As a parent I can put in the effort to censor what my kids see on TV and to lay down principles. We all need to spend more time helping our children find their moral compass.
Indeed, when it comes to the Jules High School case, the justice system so often blamed has in this instance to be hailed for addressing a truth we are rarely willing to admit: our children have been brainwashed by the so called pop culture they ascribe to.
Parents, if we are going to bring up a morally acceptable future generation, it's our job to get out there and provide some "rehabilitation" for our sexually curious (and increasingly active) children. No one is going to do it for us.
- Mercilene Machisa is the Gender Links Justice Programme Officer. This article is part of the GL series for the 16 Days of Activism (link to: http://www.genderlinks.org.za/page/16-days-of-activism-2010). It is republished here with the permission of Gender Links (link to: www.genderlinks.org.za), a Southern African NGO founded in 2001 that is committed to a region in which women and men are able to participate equally in all aspects of public and private life in accordance with the provisions of the Southern African Development Community Protocol on Gender and Development.
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